It started small.
Sora hadn't noticed at first. The whispers had been drowned beneath the cheers, all caught up in the celebrations that came with his return. Reunited with his friends, feet once again set upon the sands of his home world, there had been no time for him to pause, to see what hid in plain sight.
The secret kept from them all.
He doesn't blame the others for failing to notice, but Sora wished he had.
The only mercy was that it wasn't a tragedy, merely a truth.
There have always been two sides to the moon.
The first time he noticed something was off was a whole two months after his return. The excitement had settled by then, new joy kindled from its embers. Sora had decided not to question the feelings that burned inside him, and instead followed where their light guided—to Riku, waiting upon their islet.
He'd been afraid, for a moment, that what he felt made lies of everything else. It was frightening to think his love for Kairi might not have been real. That wasn't it though, not really. He wasn't sure what shape it had been, but he loved and still loved Kairi with all his heart. She still shone brighter than the fiercest sunset, sweeter than the rosy evening tides. The paopu he had carved into the walls of their Secret Place and the ones he had shared with her—before the battle and upon his return—spoke the truth. They were bound by destiny, by the choices they had made to see their fate through.
But there was another love that had existed alongside his love for her. It had, for a time, been a love of hearts opposed—as one slipped into twilight, the other rose up as dawn. They were as day and night, constantly pushing one another forward until the future was born, shaped by their cycle.
Yet things had changed. If they were still light and dark, they were also balance; earth and sky in harmony.
At least, that's how Kairi described it when he'd explained his feelings to her, confused and flailing. She'd always had more fun making poetry of things.
"But they're your feelings in the end," she said, giggling. "It's easy for me to make it poetry when your heart's so full of fancies, Sora."
He huffed, but what she said made sense, so he took her words and his feelings and went up to the islet. Mercifully, the actual confession ended up being rather simple—him and Riku by the leaning tree, endless blue above and below. It turned out Riku had been keeping a lot of things to himself over the years, and all Sora's nerves had been for naught.
Almost all of them, anyway.
In that moment though there had been nothing but laughter, Riku flushed, squeezing and clumsily spinning him in his joy. Sora had gone along with it, too short and too happy to protest the manhandling, so giddy with delight he knew he had to run some of it off. Kairi. I have to tell Kairi. It was that or he'd end up manhandling Riku, and if that happened they'd both be horribly frazzled messes by the time they left the islet.
"I'll be right back!" He exclaimed, slipping out of Riku's arms. He darted halfway across the boardwalk before his steps slowed, the wood's creaky protests fading back into silence. Unable to resist he turned back, wanted one more look at Riku's shape set against the ocean.
The sun played across silver hair, glare burning the blue from the sky and sea. Sora squinted, threw a hand up to shield his eyes. Then, there, he felt a tug in his chest, like the heavy pull of an anchor's chain.
Riku's back against the white, white walls of a white, white world, silver hair caught in glaring light.
Fragments.
I'm not Riku. I'm fake...can't remember when...or why...
All I've got left is...
But those memories aren't real...
The world was monochromatic. The only things he could hear were the rush of waves below and the beating of his heart. It thudded in his ears, thundering as Riku peered back, blue-green eyes catching on Sora.
They looked so lonely.
"Sora!"
All at once the world rushed back, tide bursting in waves on the sand, birds squalling, breeze rustling the leaves. His gaze snapped down to where Kairi stood on the shore below, waving. "Huh?"
She laughed, loud, red hair whipping in the rising wind. "Sora! Stop making silly faces and come tell me how it went!" Then she gone just like that, running back up the beach to where the rest of the girls had a picnic set up. Sora squirmed, childish dread springing to life at the sight. He knew they were going to eat him alive, yet that dread was washed away in moments, a very real one rushing in to take its place.
When he looked back at Riku though, the loneliness was gone. A warm smiled had replaced it. Head cocked to one side, Riku asked, "Weren't you going to let the girls bully you for the next half hour?"
All Sora's fears vanished, tide washing the beach clean. He laughed, then just as suddenly, scowled, "Hey wait, why am I doing this alone? We're together now right? Come with me!"
Riku shook his head, shooing him away. "Yes, but no. You made your choice," he said. More softly, he added, "Have fun Sora. I'll be here when you get back, and never out of sight while you're gone."
There was warmth then, Sora's heart buoyed by affection in a sea of sad memories; doors of darkness and shadows, fading into sleep, dispersing into light, hands always just out of reach. "Yeah," he said, "never out of sight. There's no getting rid of each other now!"
"Yeah," Riku said, eyes crinkling, and Sora smiled at that, mood bright as he ran off.
Later, though, he would remember the way Riku whispered that word again, that quiet affirmation in a strange tone. It had been so soft he'd let it go in the moment, whisked away by a seaborn breeze.
The second time was on the beach. A game had been set up, nets strung and teams on either side. Sora had been sorted into Riku's team, but no one complained because the other team had Terra—tall and talented—and Axel—tall. Lucky!
There was nothing strange about the game for the most part—Kairi hefting Axel from behind and trying to swing him around whenever he missed his spike being par for the course. It was a more extravagant display of frustration than her usual 'shove my face into your chest and grumble and huff until the inevitable poking and giggling begins' routine, but not unusual by any means. The strangest aspect was, in fact, that Axel slumping down on top of her started the giggling this time, and not a sneaky prod to the stomach.
Then three-quarters of the way through the match Aqua spiked the ball directly at Naminé.
Thwack!
Naminé yelped. The ball hadn't hit her though, instead bouncing off Riku's arm to be rescued by Ventus and spiked by Roxas. Isa, relegated to the referee's seat, blew his whistle. A small kerfuffle broke out on the other side of the net, but Sora was more interested in the quiet exchange occurring just a few feet away.
"You okay?" Riku asked, turning to face Naminé.
"I should be asking you," Naminé said, biting her lip. "That sounded like it hurt."
"Stings a bit, but it's nothing serious. Aqua's strong, but her spikes are more finesse than power. Terra, on the other hand..."
Riku pulled a pained face and Naminé giggled, face flushed with laughter. Even Sora couldn't resist a smile; Riku's expression wasn't particularly comical, but mild exaggeration combined with a dry tone was ideal for his sort of humor.
"I think there's a salve in my basket that could help," Naminé said, reached out and touched his uninjured arm. "Thank you for doing that Riku. You didn't have to protect me."
Riku smiled softly. "But I promised, didn't I?"
Naminé stilled. Sora paused himself. The way she tensed wasn't natural, nerves wound so tight her body was stiff as a board. Her blue eyes remained steady, staring up into Riku's. Whatever she saw in them made her step back.
"Naminé?" Riku asked.
"The salve," Naminé said, then added, "I should get it. But thank you, Riku. Promise or no promise, I'm grateful."
That seemed to ease him, and just in time too, because Isa had his whistle between his lips ready to resume. Naminé moved to the side of the court, giving a little wave as she stepped off. As the whistle blew and Riku looked away, Naminé's smile fell. Sora didn't miss the way her eyes followed him, hands curled close to her chest.
"Did you promise to protect me, Riku?" She whispered, so soft Sora almost didn't hear. "I don't think you did."
The third time they were in bed.
Riku was always a little too cold. Sora didn't mind, especially since he ran a little too hot himself. They slung their bodies over each other when they slept, Sora happy to share his heat with Riku via cuddles. If the cool took the edge off his temperature, well, he wasn't going to complain about it.
They were laid out just like that, blankets hanging half off the bed. Destiny Islands didn't have much in the way of seasons, but there was a mild chill about, and the steady beat against the windows promised a wet day come morning. "S'nice," Riku mumbled, words muffled by Sora's hair. Vibrations skittered down his head and neck, and he laughed, ticklish.
"Weren't you the one who told me not to talk with my mouth full?" He asked, squirming back just enough to see Riku's face. The blanket that was slipping off finally surrendered to gravity, but neither paid it much mind. Sora saw it fall in his peripherals, but his focus was on Riku's loose sleep pants, eyes dancing up to where the waistband sat low on his hips. Up, up over his baggy sleep shirt that showed the hint of a shoulder, the curve of his neck, and then over to his face, smile soft, hair fanned across the pillow. "Oh..."
"Close your mouth or you'll catch flies, Sora."
Sora snapped it shut. Riku's obnoxious titters followed him as he shuffled down the bed to retrieve the blanket, cheeks hot. He was still laughing by the time Sora returned, blanket in hand. Ignoring his smirk, Sora nuzzled his cheeks all over Riku's face and neck to cool himself. It made things worse, until it didn't, and then it was Riku who was huffing and heated while Sora got the last laugh. The rain outside kept on throughout until Sora was splayed half on Riku again, smiling as they stared at each other. "You're right," Sora said, "the rain is nice."
"Hm," Riku leaned back. His eyes were dull in the shadows, only occasionally catching the light of the lamp swinging overhead. "Does it...remind you of anything?"
Sora cocked his head. "Maybe? Oh, actually, I remember this time when you, me, and Kairi all snuck over to the small island when were around seven? Eight in your case. Anyway, you'd only just got permission to start rowing us over by yourself, so when the adults discovered we'd gone over during a storm we got in big trouble. Remember? They wouldn't let you row again for a whole month!" Despite feeling sour at the time, Sora was all bubbles now, bright and bursting with joy. "It was great though. We carved on the walls of the Secret Place and the storm almost made it seem like there really were monsters hiding in there."
He smiled at the memory, eyes on the ceiling. The play of light on the walls turned the shadows into eerie shapes, creatures he'd found frightening as a child. Now they seemed like idle nothings, so plain compared to their living counterparts—the Heartless, creeping up from the dark.
Yet despite the unpleasantness of the thought it was Riku's face that made his smile slip. He'd glimpsed it in the corner of his eye, turned to get a better look, paused. The light still caught his eyes, but even that spot of brightness could not erase their dullness. He looked drained.
"Riku?"
"I don't remember that," he muttered.
"Oh," Sora said. "That's okay."
"I—" He took a breath. "Sora I can only remember—that night, the one when I drew the Heartless to the Islands. That storm—it's all I have—except all the nights I spent in the Dark City. I just—the stuff from before is there somewhere but—it just feels—I—"
Sora drew him close and laid his head on his chest, felt the thundering of his heart. "I've still got them," he soothed, "all those memories we shared. I've got them, and I'll give them back to you in time."
Riku's chest shuddered, his laughter thin. "Yeah, that is what you do."
"Hm?"
"Give people back what they're missing."
Sora chuckled. "My heart's a Lost and Found, huh?"
"Yeah. Keeps everything safe and sound until you return it—and you always do, Sora."
Sora smiled, smothered his face against Riku's chest until Riku laughed, more sweetly this time. Riku's arms tightened around him, almost like he were trying to merge Sora with himself. But he wouldn't do that, not when he knows I'd make him be so much nicer to himself if we were one. He's not so miserable and guilty these days, but I don't think he could stand sharing a brain with me, hehe.
His mind giggled away as the rain kept on, light creaking as it swayed on its rope. He was just wondering if he should tell some stories to help them drift off when he felt Riku shift, inhale. "I remember something else..." He said, voice quiet, rough around the edges. He must've been half-asleep.
"Yeah?" Sora asked.
"A rain of...meteors," Riku said.
Sora frowned. "Like the day Kairi came to us?"
"No, not that. It's something else..." Then he laughed, gritty. Sora pulled back to get a look at him, but Riku's face was turned just so, just enough that he couldn't get a read on him. "Nevermind. It wasn't real."
"Wasn't real? Like a dream?"
"You really don't remember, huh?"
Rain. The hanging lamp. Shadows on the walls. Sora still couldn't see Riku's eyes, but his voice sounded different, wrong. "Riku?"
"It doesn't matter. It wasn't real. But even now, it still feels..."
It was too much. Sora pushed himself up and crawled on top of Riku, facing him properly. "Riku?"
But there was nothing out of place. Riku looked as he always did, dullness no longer apparent whenever the lamp swung by. "It doesn't matter Sora. It was just a dream—a memory of something that never was." He settled a hand in the dip of Sora's back. "It's probably just a distorted version of the night Kairi arrived, sleep changing the meteor shower into something a little more strange."
"Yeah?" Sora cocked his head.
"Yeah. Now c'mon, we promised we'd help the others fix some of the boardwalks out on the small island tomorrow. You promised, actually, so you better not make me wake you in the morning."
"I'd never!" Sora exclaimed—although he had, once or twice—then slid back off Riku like rain off the windowsill. "Hey, by the way..."
"Hm?" Riku hummed as he reorganized the blankets.
"I have sad memories too—of the rain, I mean." That made Riku pause. "I remember that night with the Heartless, yeah, but there was also this time at Memory Skyscraper, a moment where it was raining and I looked up and then—then I had to fight Roxas, I think. I had to make him accept me. I didn't even know who he was then, meanwhile he was fighting frantically just to see if he could maybe be the one who lived, but he didn't. When I figured out what had happened later I felt so—so bad. I wanted him to feel like his own person. And even at the time, when it had all just been kinda odd, I still felt heavy inside."
There was quiet, and then he felt rather than saw Riku smile. It wasn't unkind. "You went digging through your sad memories for me?"
"I guess," Sora murmured. "I know it's different now, what with Roxas being safe and sound, but so are the Islands—so are you. We've all got sad memories that hurt to think about. You're not alone. And me and the others, we're all here to help you remember the happy times, okay?"
"Okay," Riku murmured. "Sora, you're a good person. I...I can always see how real your feelings are. That's—good."
Something twinged. There was that tug again, like a chain in his brain—in his heart. Sora shuddered. "Huh? What? You being sappy now, Riku?" He teased.
"No more sappy than before," he said, drifting off.
"Huh?"
"I've said that to you once before. Just once. Now c'mon...gotta get up early tomorrow."
"O—Okay. Goodnight Riku."
"Sweet dreams Sora."
And as they lay there, Riku already asleep, Sora found himself floundering. His memories failed, the only thought coming to mind Naminé on the beach, a sad look on her face.
Did you, Riku? Did you?
With the fourth time came truth.
It wasn't quite an ordinary day. Excessive fog had never been a common occurrence in the Islands, but sometimes a sea of mist came down from the mountains and covered everything from city to shore. When he'd been little waking up to such mornings had been a cause for delight, blankets of pale cloud full of monsters and beasts for him, Riku, and all their other friends to hide from and hunt.
Now there was less joy when he saw monsters in the fog, but a sense of wonder remained whenever white smoke wrapped around the islands, muting them, softening the world.
Sora had no regular sleep schedule, as often rising with the dawn as he slept through it and on 'til noon. This morning though, he'd woken to swathes of fog and decided immediately he and Riku had to go walking in it. Riku hadn't been thrilled to say the least, but Sora's enthusiasm was, if not contagious, then just endearing enough for Riku to drag himself through his routine and then accept his fate at the sight of Sora wiggling by the door.
And he has to be at least three-quarters of the way to willing if he's coming along at all.
At first their walk was filled with conversation, Sora chatting away despite Riku's lack of response. That fourth-quarter of unwillingness had rendered him silent as the rest of the Island though, so Sora let his voice fade after a moment. Wandering in a quiet, foggy world wasn't so bad. They went down to the beach and dug their toes in the sand, cooling their feet in the sea. Sora even managed to get Riku to play a little, splashing about in the retreating tide.
Even then, his smile remained small.
A little too small.
When Sora'd had enough of games he sighed, stretched, then cocked his head back toward town. Riku nodded, and the two of them walked back. The streets were still silent, no one else about as they trod down the sand-strewn dirt road back home.
"I'm sorry for dragging you out today," Sora said, hands behind his head.
Even in the fog he saw Riku shrug. "It's fine Sora. We push each other. I'm used to it."
"You sure? Cause you seem kinda out of it. I thought maybe I'd gone too far this time."
Riku snorted. "I mean, there are things you could do that'd cross the line, but honestly? After everything we've been through? You hanging off me until I agree to play on a foggy beach doesn't even come close."
Sora dropped an arm, the other rubbing the back of his head. "That's a fair point." He dropped his second arm then, glanced at Riku out the corner of his eye. Despite his words his face seemed distant, as if half his thoughts had gotten lost, tangled with the fog and drifted away. "I'm just worried, I guess."
A beat.
"Worried, Sora? That's not like you."
"Hey, c'mon! You know I worry too, I just—I try not to show it is all. But I worry a lot, especially about you and Kairi. You two're always getting into trouble I gotta get you of."
"I recall a few times the two of us have had to get you out of your own share of trouble."
"Y—Yeah, I know but..." Sora trailed off, suddenly unsure. He found himself losing the thread of their conversation, more confused by their words than by the road before him swimming with milky wisps. But I guess that makes sense—the streets of this place have never changed, but Riku...Riku has changed.
People did that, after all.
"Sometimes you don't seem like yourself," Sora tried, teeth catching his lip, chewing. He looked down, took in the mingled dirt, sand, and stone, the sea grass and coastal flowers creeping up through the cracks. Sound was muffled by the mist, softening the scuff of their shoes against the ground.
It took two more steps for him to realize he could only hear his own.
"Riku?" He turned to speak, stopped. Maybe it was just the nature of misty days, but Riku looked as if he were fading. He drifted in and out of view, white wisps weaving around him in delicate curls. All was dulled except his eyes, shining—but it wasn't right. Though they weren't unfamiliar there was still something about them that had shivers running up Sora's spine. "Riku?"
"I consume darkness."
Sora flinched, didn't know why. The words came too fast, too sharp maybe, broke the silence like a stone breaking glass. "Where'd that come from?"
"Sora, you shelter people. Your heart has protected so many—the ones you love, the ones you don't know, spirits and data alike have found a home for their hearts inside yours. Your love creates a sanctuary, your openness a haven. Yet, you don't consume them. Even the hearts that are bonded to yours—born from and bound to return to where they belong—are set free in the end, their individuality preserved. That's who you are Sora. That's what your love does. That's what you do."
"Riku?..." Sora whispered, swallowed thickly around the lump in his throat. He froze in place when Riku took one step, two, then stumbled to keep up as Riku kept on walking. He tried to get a good look at his face, but could only catch his profile. "I don't get it. So what? What does any of that have to do with you? With consuming darkness?"
Riku's gaze remained forward. "I'm not like you. He's not like you. I couldn't—we—there wasn't another way. He loved me, saved me when I was fading but—we—I'm not like you Sora. I wish I could be like you Sora, do what you do, be who you are, wish I could shelter others the way you do, but I can't. I'm not you, and I've accepted that my heart can't do what yours can."
The words spilled out, but it all sounded like nonsense, as warped as the world around them was in the weather. Sora would've had an easier time grasping the fog than anything Riku was saying. "What are you talking about? C'mon, Riku, I don't get it..."
"It's just who I am," he said. "I consume, I fuse—but what does that mean? You and Kairi released the people you held inside your hearts: Roxas, Xion, Ventus, Naminé, everyone. Even those born from you were let go. But me, I..."
The speed at which Riku walked and spoke slowed, evened. All Sora's hairs that had stood on end eased, and for a second he thought Riku was about to start making sense. He was still acting weird, but surely if he paused a moment he might be able to put together a coherent sentence, right?
Right?
"I took the darkness into myself and made it light," Riku said. "I took a heart that needed me in and I—we—made something entirely new."
Sora waited. Riku turned his eyes up as he walked, blue-green peering through the thick soup of fog to the clouds above. His hand came up to his chest and stayed there, gentle, affectionate in its touch.
"I took him in—and he made me real again."
Sora stopped.
There was a moment where Riku kept on, mist slipping in to leave the distance between murky, but then he paused, half-turned when he noticed Sora was no longer following him.
His voice, Sora thought. It changed.
Little things that had confused him suddenly made sense, dots connecting even if he didn't have the answer yet. He cleared his throat, found his voice. "Who are you?"
Blue-green eyes stared back, piercing. They did not leave Sora once, even as Riku turned to face him fully.
"I'm me," he said.
"Riku—"
"I don't know if I'm Riku anymore."
There was a chill in Sora's bones, ice in his veins, neither which had anything to do with the fog. It sunk so deep he was beyond shivering, numb. Almost, he called for his Keyblade. Almost. Instead, he raised his chin, squared his shoulders, and took the few steps he needed to stand before Riku. Those blue-green eyes kept staring, not quite Riku, but not quite not him either.
"I don't understand," Sora said.
And finally, finally blue-green eyes closed, squeezed shut. His face creased with pain. "I—he—I'm—" His voice shook and Sora's heart begged him to reach out, so he did. His fingers caressed pale skin, smoothed the lines away.
"I'm not angry," he said, a little too fast, "I just want to know. If you can't tell me—well I want to know sometime, but if you can't now, or even ever I—"
Rku exhaled, cutting Sora off. Then, as the tide, blue-green flooded back into view. "It's complicated. I'm sorry for being cryptic, I just..." He took a deep breath. "A while ago—I—he—I've told you about the Riku Replica before. You know about him."
"Yeah? He faded, right?"
"I—it's not like that. Even I thought he did, for a time. I didn't want him to go—I really cared about him—but I had to respect the choice he made. I didn't realize at the time that my heart had reached out to his though, and later I started dreaming about him, except I knew he was really there, really with me. When that happened I—" A pause, one more breath. "A while ago I took the Riku Replica into myself—he took me into himself. Riku gave me a place in his heart. Maybe it's vain but we had a connection, a bond, a—a love, and he didn't want me to fade. I didn't want to fade. But what we did it—it's not like what you did with the others: Roxas, Xion, Ventus. Even as you sheltered them you kept them apart from yourself, even when they were never meant to be their own people. You've always been like that, seeing everyone as themselves, only bringing up other, more loved selves so they can see the life they deserve to live—"
Sora's hands shook as Riku spoke—rambled, really. He knew Riku could feel it, his hands still cupping his cheeks. He hated that, wished he could stop it, but he couldn't. He didn't know why. Nothing Riku had said was bad.
But it felt strange.
It felt wrong.
"I don't get it," he said. "The Riku Replica, he's in your heart? What else could you have done, Riku?"
"That's not it, Sora." Riku reached up to take Sora's hand from his face, touch gentle. "He isn't in my heart, he is my heart. He's a part of it in the same way any other aspect of my being is. When he joined with me he had to give up his original self—his memories, his feelings, his understanding of himself and his place in the world, they all became one with me." Riku guided Sora's hand to his chest. "I no longer exist as the person you knew as the Riku Replica."
Sora stared at his hand pressed to Riku's heart, ears ringing. "...I? Why would you use I? I thought...you said the Riku Replica no longer existed."
"Does that make you sad?"
"Of course it does! We were friends in the end, even if I can't remember much of our time together, and even if we weren't friends I'd—but that's not the point." Sora raised his gaze to Riku's, something wavering inside to see the way his eyes had softened.
"Friends, huh?" He didn't quite smile. "Maybe that'll make this easier."
"Riku—"
"When two consciousnesses join like Riku and the Replica's did, you might think the larger consciousness would remain while the other was consumed. That's not how it works though. In the end, even if there is more to one of them, two selves cannot join as we did and remain two selves. Both must surrender to the desire to be a whole, to consume one another entirely and be reborn."
Sora stared. "And that—that means..."
"If the Replica doesn't exist anymore, then I don't think Riku does either."
For the second time his words were like stone shattering glass, so loud in their quiet, misty world. Sora could hear Riku's voice catch in his throat, hear him stammer just a little before he righted himself, as if he'd caught his toe on uneven stone.
Sora felt like his whole being had caught on uneven stone. "So who are you then? What happened to my friends?"
"I'm," Riku swallowed, "I'm both of them. We fused."
"But you use both 'I' and 'he' and 'we' to refer to each other, right?" Sora felt dizzy. "Why would you do that if you're the same person?"
"Because once I wasn't, and I remember what it was like to be apart. More than that though, how else am I supposed to discuss the memories of two people who were once separate? How do I convey that we weren't always the same, that we had lives beyond each other? Sometimes it feels more right to talk that way, to say, "I took the Riku Replica into myself—and Riku saved my heart by doing so."
A moment's quiet. Riku smiled, ruefully. "Do you understand, Sora?"
He didn't. There were too many questions he wanted to ask, too many things this changed. There was a fire in his chest, the wish that he'd been told before the two of them had begun their relationship. There was the ache of knowing there was only the two of them—Sora and Riku—and he couldn't pluck them apart and make three again. And there was the cool, the chill in his stomach when he wondered if this meant his childhood friend was—was...
He looked up at Riku and saw shame. Shame, fear, the painful truth. Sora let it all wash over him. Uneven ground, wispy fog, the tide rushing out. Unsteadiness, uncertainty, things beyond sight.
Riku was right about himself, he was sure, but how long had it taken for him to understand his situation, and did either of them fully comprehend it?
And then, with that thought in mind, Sora decided he could only do what he could only do, and instead of answering asked, "So do you want to be Reku, or something else?"
Riku blinked. "Wait, what?"
"Well I mean, if you're not Riku, and you're not the Riku Replica, then maybe you'd want a new name? Like Replica and Riku kinda"—and Sora squished his hands together and made a sllck sllck sound— "smushed together?"
Riku laughed, and every little hitch of breath eased the tangled mess in Sora's chest. "Sora—Sora, really?"
He grinned. "Really! I'll call you anything you want."
Riku coughed, cheeks red with laughter. Sora couldn't be grumpy about his teasing him, not when the mood had finally lightened. "Just call me Riku. I still like it, and it's the name both of us went by. It's still me. Anyway, I already know that when you're talking about the Riku from the past you're not talking about me, just like when you're talking about the Replica from the past you're not talking about me either. But I need you to understand something."
"Hm?" Sora waited, tried not to let his anxieties show. Riku smiled, shakily, hands over his chest.
"Riku didn't disappear, and neither did the Replica. They both just...became a part of me. We're one heart now, and I feel like both of them at once. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but it's the truth; I am everything they were. They're both still here. I'm still...me." He paused. "Is that enough? Are we still friends?"
And that was it—all Sora could take. He wound his arms around Riku's waist and pressed his head against his chest, let all his warmth seep into Riku's body. The rapid thud thud thud beneath his ear slowed to a gentle thrum. The fog was a blanket rather than a veil, keeping them safe in their tiny, fragile world.
"Yeah," Sora murmured. "Always, and no matter what."
Sora let it go at first. It was a learning experience, after all, and they were both adjusting—Sora to what he now knew about Riku, and Riku to having his secret out in the open. There were a lot of questions Sora wanted to ask, a lot of things he needed to say, but for the moment he put Riku's comfort first. He needed Riku to understand that there was nothing he had done, or could do, that would drive him away. I didn't abandon you when you fell to darkness. I'm not abandoning you over this.
Their bond was stronger now too, but still Riku overthought things. Perhaps that made sense though, considering the Riku Replica also had a role to play. His presence was certainly a dilemma for Sora, but not in the way Riku might think.
I couldn't help him back then. I can't remember our time together very well. I know it was complicated.
Riku loved him enough to merge with him. I could love him too. I don't want him to go.
But where does he fit?
That thought lingered until their next proper conversation. It was strangely fitting for it to happen on the beach, the two of them stopping there after a walk around town. The day was brighter and there was no fog this time, though the blue of the sky had been burnt away the chill. It was pale, a little gray, the effects of last night's rain still lingering even after the wet itself had gone.
Still, chill or no chill, Sora longed for water. With the day clear it wasn't too hard to convince Riku to venture out for a splash in the waves. Before long Kairi and Naminé had joined them, their other friends gradually filling up the shore. Eventually, everyone from Tidus to Terra was present, enjoying a much deserved day of rest and play on the beach.
Rest. What did rest even mean to them? "Just the time we get to deal with everything that happened when we were busy, I guess."
"Hm?" Riku stepped out of the sea, shaking water from his body before dropping down beside him.
"Just talking to myself," Sora said, flopping back on the sand.
"Losing your mind?"
"Like you can talk."
"Yeah," Riku murmured. "Fair enough."
Their friends were shrieking and laughing in the distance, a shrill cry going up whenever someone got splashed. Laughter, cheers, and whines carried up the beach. Sora snorted. The tropical waters of Destiny Islands were never cold, but once one acclimatized to the heat they were doomed to shiver at the mildest chill.
Acclimatize...
"Can I ask you about it?" He said.
"About what?"
"Losing your mind."
Riku's laugh was short but sweet. "If you want."
Sora sat up, body too jittery to lie still. "I'm not going to ask too much, not right now. I just wanna know a few things like—like how long you knew, and if the others know, and about...him."
"Him," Riku said, "so me then."
Sora knew without looking which aspects of Riku now shone in his eyes. "Yeah."
A moment passed. Sora watched the tide creep up to his toes, always falling short. It was on its way out now, departing as evening took the sky.
"The Replica and Riku became me a while ago," Riku began, still lying on his back. "I didn't fully understand it myself until recently, though I knew what had happened. I needed time to figure myself out, I guess. When you confessed to me I'd done that much, but I still wasn't sure how to explain it. I didn't really know how to say no to you either, and honestly? I didn't want to. I'd just planned to go on as normal until you noticed my slip-ups and hope I'd found an explanation by then."
"Okay," Sora said. "I'll come back to that, but the others, do they know?"
"No. I still don't know how much sense my explanation makes, and I'm not—" His calm slipped for a moment, chin wobbling. He took a deep breath before he continued. "I don't know how they'll take it, if they'll mourn or celebrate, reject or accept me or...I don't know. It feels like nothing and everything, being the way I am. All that aside though, I'll have to tell them soon. I'm sure some of them already suspect something's up."
"You said something to Naminé once," Sora pointed out. "Something I'd never heard you say."
"You heard me say it when were stuck in Castle Oblivion. Your memory of that time's pretty spotty, huh?"
"Yeah," Sora muttered, digging his toes in the sand. "I don't like that, not knowing. I didn't like it when Naminé told me what little she did about what happened there before, and I hate it even more now. The pieces of you that have memories of that place, and my own experiences there...I don't like that we lost most of what little connection we had."
Riku sat up, waved a hand toward the rest of their friends. "You lost them and more, Sora. You lost pieces of Riku, giving them to the Replica. You lost Kairi."
The last he said had Sora twisting his hands together. "I know. I...know."
"You had to give up one. Why would you pick the moment over the millennium? A stolen lifetime and a single month can't compare, especially when one was made of lies. It didn't matter how real it felt, you knew the truth was more important."
"But it was real! Maybe not in the beginning, but by the end it was, I'm sure. I may not have my memories, but there's warmth deep down I can still feel." He brought a hand up to his chest, pressed hard against his heart. "Or do you think it wasn't real? Was everything I felt for the Replica and Naminé false in the end?"
A pause. "I would say I don't know," Riku said, finally, "but if it's you Sora, those feelings can only be real."
Sora blushed, teeth snagging on his lip to bite back a smile. He didn't quite manage to.
That smile slipped fast though, his next question heavy enough to drag it off his face. There was no comment from Riku, apparently content to wait to learn what Sora wanted to know rather than dump it all on him. He was grateful for that at least; a deluge of information would likely just slide right off his brain like rain off his back, leaving him soaked but none the wiser for it.
"So," he began, "our relationship." That made Riku stiffen, sand sinking where his hands dug in. Sora took a breath and kept going. "The part of you that was Riku had a history with me. We grew up together, dreamed together, fought together, and found each other again and again when the worlds tore us apart. We've loved each other for a long time. But the part of you that was the Replica—I care about him, but we don't know each other that well. Does he—do you even want to be with me or..." He faltered, squeezed his eyes shut.
"Sora?..."
"I...I don't know how to say this but—but when you two became one, the person that was formed must have inherited both the Riku and the Replica's feelings. If the Replica loved someone else—someone aside from Riku or me—or if he disliked me, then those feelings became Riku's feelings, while Riku's became the Replica's..." Another breath, too quick, and Sora tried to ignore the weight in his chest. "Like I said, I don't know how to say it, but those feelings that once existed apart now belong together and—and that makes me feel strange. If the Replica hated me, then those feelings are also Riku's feelings now, and even if he didn't, the person who loved me...doesn't exist anymore."
That thought slammed into him like a wave, but the ocean mercifully wasn't attuned to his emotional turmoil and let him be. Riku was though, and at the sound of the sand shifting Sora turned and pushed Riku back down. A startled huff escaped him, but he didn't resist.
"Don't worry about it, please. I just—it makes me feel weird, I guess. And it's not just the feelings you had for me either. The Replica wouldn't have warm feelings for Kairi or any of the other people Riku met. He might even have disliked some of them! And that's not even considering the way the Replica felt about the people he knew intimately, even though there weren't many of them." It was so much, too much, but Sora pushed on. "I guess it's just—a lot, thinking of how all those separate emotions became yours."
Riku didn't speak for a moment. Distant gull cries and wild shouts filled the silence; Kairi and Xion knocking Axel into the water—likely revenge—and Aqua squealing as someone tackled her. It was strange to hear from so far away, sweet outside their melancholy bubble. It soothed as it stained, like the warm sunset tinging the sky rose and gold.
"Yeah," Riku said finally. "They did all become mine. But Sora, I've had a while now to figure out my feelings. I've had the opportunity to build bridges or burn them, to think about what it means for an individual's 'love' and 'loathe' to become a shared feeling. It was hard, but I'm glad I did that before I told anyone; as much as I should share my burdens, there are times you do need to think alone." Riku smiled up a him. "But he didn't hate you, the Replica. When he joined with Riku they both cared about you very much.
Those words were like the whisper of the sea; soft, sweet, carrying all the comfort of childhood memories and home. He didn't hate me. That's good.
But it wasn't enough.
Sora shifted, straddled Riku so his legs were settled on either side of his body, then lay down just like that. Another huff escaped Riku, this one a little breathier, a little higher. Sora grinned. "I want to love all of you, Riku," he said. "My heart's big enough for it, y'know?"
"Sora?" Riku's voice was strained.
"The parts of you that were Riku—those parts know that I'm your friend. Those parts know that I love you." He reached out and cupped Riku's cheeks. "But the parts of you that were the Replica...I wanna love them too. I may not remember most of the time we spent together, but I know that by the end of it he made me warm inside too. Maybe it's not the same kind of warm that Riku made me, but that's okay. Things change, don't they? And I've been loving someone who's both of you all along."
He paused to let him respond, but apparently despite the merging of two intellects Riku was unable to articulate anything at all. His words were stuck in his throat, face bright red compared to the sunbrowned skin of Sora's hands. Sora laughed and had mercy, in that he would speak for him. I'm not letting you off easy, after all.
"I want to kiss you," he whispered. "I want to kiss all of you, not just the parts I know about."
He leaned down, lips brushing Riku's.
"I want to kiss the parts you hid from me. Can I?"
Riku trembled, eyes darting down to Sora's mouth. His lips parted, chest rising and falling just a little too fast. Sora pressed forward—and he pressed back.
They hadn't kissed too much yet, but every time they did it left Sora warm and tingling inside. His toes curled in the sand, body bumping and sliding against Riku's. Fingers touched heated skin, left Riku shivering as they slid over his stomach, his chest, back up to his face. When Sora pulled back Riku followed, a tiny whine escaping before he could swallow it down. His face burned, but Sora only smiled, giggled as Riku flopped back, eyes to the side, hair spread across the sand.
"I guess the parts you hid want more, huh?"
"Shut up Sora. But..."—Riku's voice faltered, softened—"it was pretty good. If you wanna do it again..."
"You're always gonna be bad at this part, aren't you?" Sora laughed. "You know the others tell me when you say nice things about me behind my back, right?"
"Wha—"
"And I tell them when you've got something nice to say about them. No, don't make that face, you know full well they weren't secrets." Sora gently pinched his stomach. "You're just shy. Both of you really were like that, huh? Good at dramatic deliveries, not so good at the ooey-gooey stuff between friends?"
Riku snorted, a little restrained due to Sora being so close. "Yeah. I would've said I was a faithful replica to the very end, but when I joined with Riku I realized I—I was probably a little better at that stuff than he was, in some ways. Now though, we're just stuck with the awkward parts of each other. I got his, and he got mine..."
His eyes crinkled, cheeks rounding with a tiny smile. Sora couldn't resist the urge to lean forward and kiss him. It was soft, short, chaste, but oh, he wanted more.
"Kinda wanna walk you home now," he said.
"Huh?"
Sora hummed. "I wanna see all of you, Riku. All the parts you've shared, and all the parts you've been too scared to show me, all the parts you think I won't love. I want to see you in a new light." He paused, flushed a little. "This might be easier with the lights off though."
And just like the dawn lit the world, casting away all the doubts born in darkness, understanding lit Riku's eyes. There weren't words to describe his expression, although maybe that was because Sora's brain was too busy being grateful that it hadn't all gone over Riku's head to try and put some together. He leaned in to give him one last kiss before he stood, tugging Riku up with him.
"Come on. I want to see all of you."
"Okay," Riku swallowed, hands sweaty where Sora held them. His smile was shaky, but true. "I want you to see it all too."
They left the beach hand in hand, their walk through town free of all weight except that of anticipation.
It was the second warm night that week.
Of course, the wet season itself hadn't been all that cold. It certainly didn't compare to the mountain ranges of the Land of Dragons, or the frosty expanse of Arendelle. Yet by Sora's Islander standards it had been a cold enough couple of months, and the warmer weather was much anticipated.
Unfortunately, the odd dips between hot and cold left their body's scrambling to acclimatize, and so when hot, humid nights came rolling in, Sora and Riku coped by lazing about. Splayed on the bed, shirts without sleeves and loose shorts were their only companions—aside from each other, of course.
A light rain pattered against the windowsill, droplets dancing and bouncing down to the greedy garden below. The lamp overhead had been switched off hours ago, the only light left that of the moonbeams sneaking in through the shutters. Their glow lent the room a navy hue, dressing it in the lovely garb of night.
It's beautiful, in a simple way, Sora thought, then turned his head just a little to his right. But not as beautiful as him.
It would have been nice to leave it at that, to drift off to the humid air against his skin, the rain outside his window, and Riku by his side. But the moon lent more than a navy hue, it's light leaving Sora contemplative, unable to ignore all the thoughts still roiling in his head—in his heart.
"Hey Riku?" He said.
"Hm?"
"How did the part of you that was the Replica feel in the beginning?"
A grunt, and the warmth beside Sora shifted, sat up a little. "What do you mean?"
"Back when I told you I loved you. You said yes, but you had to know that when I looked at you I was only seeing my childhood friend. I—I didn't know about the other Riku then, but I wanna know how he felt."
Quiet to his right. Outside, the rain kept on. The occasional croak of a frog joined in, the wet, warm weather summoning an amphibious symphony. Maybe it was nature's way of holding conversations—how it came up with Sound Ideas or contemplated individual consciousness.
A Sound Idea would be nice right now.
The silence stretched. Sora squirmed, tilted his head back just to see if Riku had gone to sleep. He was definitely awake though, eyes unfocused, gaze caught on some unseen thing—the bedroom wall wasn't that interesting, after all.
At least, not more than me, hopefully.
The growing knot in his stomach loosened when Riku brought an arm up around him, dragging him over so his head lay on Riku's chest. Sora suspected it was more for Riku's comfort than his own though, his movements more a subconscious tic done to soothe himself than any form of active care for another. I don't mind. If he needs something from me, I want to give it to him. That's comfort enough for me—much more than standing on the sidelines doing nothing, anyway.
He was brought out of his thoughts by a hand trailing up his arm, and that, he thought, was comfort for him. He smiled. But you're not that different, right Riku? He returned the gesture, running his hands over Riku's chest, soothing.
"I can tell you sometime, what the Replica and you went through together," Riku said finally. "I know you know some of it, but maybe it's time you heard the whole story. I want to talk to Naminé about it first though."
"That's fine."
"And as for how I felt..." Riku closed his eyes, as if remembering that day on the islet. "The part of me that was Riku was so excited. He was so happy that you loved him, because he'd cared about you for so long. He'd never had the words for how much, or for what form it took, but a part of him has always wanted to be with you. But then the part of me that was the Replica, that understood I wasn't really the Riku you thought I was, he felt..." He hesitated. "I guess he felt like you didn't really love him, and that because of that you couldn't really love me."
Sora's fingers tangled in Riku's shirt. He didn't know what to say. "Did he love me? The Replica? Is that silly to ask?"
"No," Riku murmured, "though it's a little hard to explain. When you confessed to me I almost felt like I was two people again. That happens sometimes, during important moments when I know no one can see the Replica in me. But I'm not two people. I just remember what it was like to be, when I'm perceived that way." He paused. "I guess I feel a little like the moon."
Sora snorted, more surprised than amused. "What?"
"The moon's a singular thing, but there's a side you don't see, hidden in darkness. Because people can't see the whole of it at once, there'll always be a part people don't know." He took a deep breath. Sora heard it shake. "For the moon, that's okay, but for a person being stuck in that darkness weighs on you. It—crushes you; your dreams, your feelings, your heart. I think when you confessed to me, that hidden part didn't know he loved you, couldn't bear the thought of loving only to be rejected, didn't know if he wanted and was denied the chance to love someone else by the parts of him that were Riku. Sometimes, he didn't even think he could love." A hand came up to cup Sora's cheek, wiped away a single tear Sora hadn't realized he'd cried. "But the Replica knew he wanted you to love the parts of him that existed in me. He never thought anyone could love him as much as they loved the other Riku though. He wanted to feel like you loved both sides of the moon equally, but he didn't think you could."
Sora stared up into his eyes. They'd always been sharp; a blue-green intensity that had existed in Riku since he'd been a child. It had existed in the Replica too, and even in Dark Riku before he'd returned to his past self. He's in there too, isn't he? He merged with the Replica—is him, I suppose, and the Replica merged with Riku.
But for all that they were intense, the only emotion he could see in Riku's eyes was longing. Sora bit his lip.
Apparently that was too much for Riku. He pulled away. "Listen, Sora, it's fine, I—"
No. I'm not letting this go, even if it makes me feel bad. Sora surged forward and pressed Riku back against the pillows, hands on either side of his head. The bed bounced, heaved just as Riku's chest did. "It's not fine."
"Sora, he doesn't exist anymore."
Sora winced. "He does. The two of you might be one now, but you still exist. I know that's confusing—it must get to you even more than me—but that hurt, that part of you that thinks I can't—don't love you, that doesn't think he can love, I'm not pretending he's not there. And I know, I know Riku did this sort of thing too, but this? This comes from you, Replica. I can see that. I can see you."
"Sora..." Riku's breath caught. Slowly, he reached out, drew him down to his chest to hold him in an embrace. "I'm not even sure they're still alive. If we don't exist as ourselves, then aren't we dead? Even if we loved each other, even if we agreed to it, didn't we kill each other?"
"No," Sora murmured, shaking his head. "I don't think so. I think you're both just...together now. Someone new, yeah, but the old's still there too. How could you die when you never stopped existing?"
"I don't know. But—" Riku shuddered. "But if they did die, would you be angry with me?"
"No," Sora said firmly.
"Would you be...sad?"
"I—I would, just a little, but I don't think this is death, Riku. You're both still here. And," Sora said, and pushed himself up. He took in Riku's face; cheeks, eyes, and nose catching slivers of moonlight, hair dyed the pale indigo of night. He smiled. "I want to see both sides of the moon. I want to love them—the parts that were Riku, and the parts that were the Replica. I can do that, y'know? I've got a pretty big heart."
Riku's eyes were glassy. "Okay," he whispered.
"Okay," Sora agreed, then sniffled, smiling. "And Riku? I know you've got a big heart too, so if...if you like someone else, or Riku or the Replica did, I won't stop you. You don't have to leave me to love them too."
"I—" Riku shook his head. "I'm happy as is. You mattered to both the people I was, and I love you. If things change though, I promise I'll tell you. We'll figure something out."
"Yeah?" Sora said.
"Yeah," Riku murmured, and pressed his lips to Sora's hair. His body shook, but Sora recognized the thrum running through him as barely suppressed laughter. "I guess it's something else I get to think about—how I want to love the other people in my life. I don't mind though. Between the two of us, I've always been the thinker.
Oof. "Hey!" He punctuated the remark by squishing his hand against Riku's face, which turned into a brief tangling of sheets and shirts as they tussled. By the end of it Sora couldn't tell the top of the bed from the bottom, but he didn't need to either.
"I think," he said, "no matter what, we'll be okay. Even if things are a little sad, we'll get through it."
"Yeah?" Riku murmured, curling around Sora as Sora curled around him.
"Yeah," Sora said. "M'sure of it."
"That's the third! Got it memorized?"
From his spot just a ways down the beach Sora could hear the others shouting and wrestling, protesting Axel's third win. Arguments over whether his newest spike was even legal caught on the wind, carried alongside laughter, squealing, and the desperate screech of the referee's whistle. Sora smiled. He'd only been present to witness Axel's first win—too worried about Riku, who'd sat out before the game began—but just hearing his friends' antics was enough to make his heart dance.
Yet there were other things on his mind. The feel of sand on his knees, the sticky juice on his hands, and the twinge in his chest whenever he looked at Riku. He'd said he was tired, but Sora suspected he was actually thinking too much.
So with that thought he asked, "What's eating you?"
A huff was all the answer he got from the sand beside him. Sora shifted, wiping his fingers off on his shorts. "You're being broody again, Riku." He glanced to the side. "C'mon, you can tell me, can't you?"
Riku's expression didn't give him much confidence he would though. Lips downturned, head tilted so his hair hid the rest of his face—not exactly signs someone wanted to share all. Sora's eyes flitted down, caught Riku's hands curling in the sand, grains slipping between his fingers. Sora sighed and turned back to the sea. "Well, if you don't want to I can't make you."
"Hm."
It wasn't much, but the acknowledgement made Sora look back. He caught a glimpse of blue-green eyes and smiled. "I won't make you but"—He went for charming and wiggled his eyebrows—"won't you please?
Riku's hair danced with his huff this time, sharper, and Sora could see the little quirk at the corner of his mouth. "Fine," he said, tucking his hair back and shifting, settling his elbows on his knees. "I don't want to keep secrets from you anyway."
"Good. I don't want you to either. Please stop doing things alone."
Riku laughed again. "Is it even possible for someone like me to do things alone?"
"According to everything you've told me, yes?" Sora cocked his head. "Or should I consider you two different people again?"
"No," Riku sighed, eyes on the sea. "I'm just me."
"Hm." Sora followed his gaze, mind wandering to a different place, a different time. Him and Riku sitting on the bleak sands of the Dark Margin, the seas of darkness stretching out to the horizon and beyond. They hadn't known if they could go home, or if they would remain forever on that shadowy beach, but they'd had each other and that'd been enough.
Did the Replica and I ever share a moment like that? Could our time together in Castle Oblivion count? A shared struggle, a shared end—did we get that?
He couldn't say. He didn't remember.
He cleared his throat, tried to loosen the lump suddenly stuck there. "So, what's going on?"
Quiet, except for the waves, the wind, the faraway voices of their friends. Then, softer than the gentle tide, "I'm thinking of telling the others."
"You mean about...you?" Sora asked.
"Yeah." Riku's eyes were lost in the waves. "I can't keep lying like this. The part of me that's forgotten hurts, and the other part is overwhelmed. I hate the thought of taking the light away from someone, even if that someone is only me. Riku and the Replica both knew darkness, and they both know how too much light can burn. But—But most of all I just...I can't live as only half myself. I can't do that again."
"Riku..." Sora's heart ached.
"I've always felt like I've had to hide a part of myself. I know everyone does, even you, Sora. But I'm so tired of it. Every time I feel like I'm getting past one secret, I find another; something that can only exist in the shadows of my heart. Something else I wasn't ready to face, or wasn't ready to share."
Sora listened, thinking. "Are you scared?"
"Of course I am."
"Why?"
"Because"—Riku hesitated. "What if they think I killed him? Riku was their friend, and the Replica wasn't. I'm sure even Naminé liked the real Riku better, and for all I was a jerk to you, I was still a better person after she warped me with his memories." He laughed, a broken, little sound. "After seeing how my dark self behaved I wouldn't blame her if she did. But even having changed I still don't share anything with them. Riku loved me, and I know you accept this side of me but...I can't expect them to."
The more he spoke the more Sora could see the hands of fear and shame tightening around his throat. Half his words caught, and he wondered how many he swallowed, their darkness dripping back down his throat into his chest.
Sora shook his head. He couldn't let that happen. He reached out and grabbed Riku's hand, gripped it so tightly his knuckles turned white. The pressure was just what Riku needed to stop, to take a breath and come down from the erratic state he'd worked himself into throughout his speech.
"They won't think that," Sora said. "They'll like you too. I mean, technically speaking they already do, since you've been here for a while. Besides, Riku's done plenty of bad things in his life and we still love him. We understand everyone's been through hard times, made mistakes, messed up real bad. We've decided that's not enough to tear us apart. We'd rather work to make things better and be together." He lifted Riku's hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles. "The Replica and Riku tried so hard to be good. You've tried too, I know. And y'know? I think Naminé will see that. No matter her feelings at the time, I'm sure she wasn't happy to erase who you were."
Riku shuddered. "Then how could she be happy that I've erased who Riku was?"
"You didn't, Riku. No more than he erased you, anyway, and is that word even the right one? Are you really gone, when I can still feel you both here." Still holding Riku's hand, he reached up with the other and touched his heart. "I'm sure everyone'll be happy to know that you're both okay, that you're both here with us. I know I am."
Silence. During that pause Sora thought Riku could say anything. He could bring up Sora's own fear and confusion when he'd first learned about him, could bring up the difficult conversations they'd had, the answers they still hadn't found. Some part of Riku must have believed in him, though, because the only thing he said was, "Naminé probably already knows. I slip up around her too much."
Sora laughed. "She'll probably be glad to know she's not going crazy!"
"Yeah," Riku said, and smiled. "Guess she would be."
"So come on!" Sora stood, dragging Riku up with him where their hands were still joined. "Let's go!"
"Now?" Both Riku's brows shot up.
"When else? How long do you think we've got until the next disaster strikes? We'll be busy saving the world again before you know it, so don't waste all our downtime worrying about this. Or is that what you want?"
Riku laughed. "I suppose not."
And Sora figured he must have really wanted to tell them all, in the end, because he only had to drag him halfway.
It was their fourth hour out on the islet.
The day had been hot. Earlier there'd been haze rising off the sea and sand, humid heat covering the world like a scratchy, soggy blanket. The sun's rays had caught on the water, a dizzying display of light. It had been enough to sap the strength from all of them, left them moping about the mainland or napping in the shack, only a reckless few stepping foot outdoors.
There was plenty of shade on the islet though, and Sora had wanted some time alone with Riku. It'd been in short supply as of late, the others spending as many hours as they could with Riku, relearning their relationships as they navigated their new understanding of him. Sora had been fine with that, eager to get everyone reacquainted again. He wanted Riku to feel like a part of things, unashamed and unafraid of himself.
Now though, they were alone, watching the sunlight dance over the waves.
"Nothing ever changes here, does it?" Riku said. Sora nearly missed it, words drowned beneath the buzz of the island's insects.
"I dunno," he said. "I kinda feel like some things have."
"Oh?" Riku turned his way. "Like what?"
Sora took a chance and prodded him in the chest, laughing and rolling away before Riku could retaliate. Riku didn't pursue, and Sora understood his smug grin in the next moment when he experienced the full brunt of the sun beyond their shaded paradise. He squealed and Riku snickered, content with his karmic revenge.
They took a moment to resettle, Sora flopping back down in the shade, muttering curses. Riku's snickering continued, although he did provide Sora the comfort of a cool hand against his back. "Goof," he said.
"Shut up." Sora stuck out his tongue.
Riku snorted. "You got what you deserved," he said, giving Sora a squeeze before he let him go. "So what did you mean?"
"Hm?"
"What's changed?"
"Oh, that." Sora laughed. "Well, we have, haven't we? You and me."
Riku shrugged. "I guess I have. But you, Sora? Do you even know how to change?"
"I do!" He exclaimed, crossing his arms. It was so exaggerated a motion that Riku laughed again, but he sobered quickly when Sora poked him, gentle this time.
"Sora?" He said, tentative.
Sora smiled. "You've changed in a lot of ways, Riku, and not just the obvious ones, but...you aren't the only one. I mean, who am I really?"
"What do you mean?" Riku asked. Sora could see his eyes, see all the things dancing inside them; warmth, sorrow, a little confusion.
"I mean"—Sora looked out over the sea—"how do I know which parts of me are me? I've been through so much, but so did everyone who's ever slept inside me, everyone who's been my friend. Everyone who touched my heart carried feelings that mingled with mine. Who's to say they didn't leave something behind? I have a lot of reasons to feel what I feel, but who knows which parts might be someone else's hurt or happiness. I know it's not the same thing you went through, but everything I went through, everything the people who sheltered in me went through, it changed me. How do I know where I end and they begin? Our hearts are all connected, after all." He turned back to Riku, smiling. "The only thing we decide is how much."
"Can we even decide that?" Riku murmured.
"Hm, maybe not. We're connected through our feelings, and no one gets to decide how they feel." He tilted his head to the side, let his smile turn into a grin. "We do get to decide what we do with those feelings, though, what actions we take. How we change, and how people change us; all we can do is decide if we accept or reject it, express or suppress it, hide or show it. You get it?"
"Nope."
Sora made to stick out his tongue, but stopped, sighed when he saw Riku smile. "Goof."
"That part of me's from you."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is."
"I'm gonna dunk you in the water."
"Then I guess you'll have changed me—from dry to wet!"
"Not with how much you're sweating!"
They laughed, wrestled in a way that turned swiftly into hugging before the heat got to them. They parted then, still smiling. Sora stood, stretched, set his hands on his hips. His eyes wandered to the unchanging horizon, saw the way it reflected him; light on the waves, shifting in and out of sight, disappearing and reappearing, the sea old, but every glint of sun adding something new.
The tiny fragments of all the hearts he'd touched, shimmering inside him, changing how he shone.
He turned back and offered his hand. "Come on, let's go convince the others to watch the sunset with us."
Riku's eyes glittered. Maybe he'd had a moment of his own, memories of waves and shooting stars and how they changed him. His lips rose in a gentle curve, hand curling around Sora's own. Sora tugged him up, the whole of him, and smiled.
It didn't matter if Riku carried two separate sets of memory in a single soul. It didn't matter if he was both childhood friend and struggling replica, if he was darkness and light, Keyblade Master and Dream Eater, Naminé's protector and lonely wanderer. All of it changed him, but it didn't change how Sora felt.
The only thing that mattered was that he took his hand when it was all too much.
"I'm ready," Riku said.
"Then let's go," Sora said, and smiled. No matter how we change, we'll go together like we always do.
In all honesty Sora laid awake sometimes. The questions they all wondered turned in his mind, repeating over and over again. He'd look to Riku while they were drowsing, and wonder if any of the others still sometimes saw two people in one body. Wondered if any feared they'd both died. Wondered if they could tell when the echo of one of the original consciousnesses came forward.
Did Naminé notice? Did Kairi? Did anyone notice at all?
Did they see Riku smile as Sora did and realize none of that mattered?
They could ponder Riku's consciousness until the end of time, could pick apart the ways in which he was one, and the ways in which he was two, the ways in which he was living and the ways in which he was dead, but the truth remained the same always.
All the pieces of the two people Sora loved existed in the same person now. That was the truth. It was all Sora knew, and it was all that mattered.
Whether Riku and the Replica still existed, or whether they had killed each other in their desire to live, they were one, and they would never hide that again.
Sora understood that, as he cuddled Riku closer to his chest.
He would love him so much the truth would never be a tragedy.
My heart's got room for both sides of the moon, after all.
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