Not Even You

Sora knew it was wrong.

But what else could he do, really? Riku had given up so much to wake him—because he cared about him, because he loved him—yet still he loathed himself. Sora couldn't stand it, couldn't stand that the person who'd plunged himself into deepest darkness to save him couldn't see how lovely his heart was. Couldn't stand that he wouldn't listen to Sora.

Sora had tried everything. He'd been friendly, angry, sad, bitter, fearful, happy—every emotion he thought might provoke a response, might get Riku to ponder his own behavior, his beliefs. He'd asked the others to help, but no matter what they did no one could get through to him. None of it made Riku stop and reconsider.

And it hurt—it hurt Sora so badly to see Riku like this, to have Riku push him away. He wasn't dirty. He'd never be dirty to Sora.

Didn't he know how much Sora loved him?

Didn't he know how much Sora wanted him?

Do I know how much I want him?

In the end it had come to this. How else could Sora make Riku love himself, if not show him how much he loved him? How was Riku supposed to understand without that firsthand experience?

No, he had to feel it for himself. Sora had to show him. He couldn't just let Riku keep hurting—not when he could help.

"Sora I don't want—Sora you can't—don't!"

The words stung but that couldn't stop him. Sora placed his hands against his chest and pushed. It wasn't easy—Riku had always been bigger than him and right now he was much bigger, even seated as they were. He towered over Sora, towered over his past self.

But of course, one would expect Ansem's shape to be towering—more threatening, more dangerous.

Except he wasn't. Riku collapsed, flat on his back with Sora straddling his hips. He crumpled against the stone floor of their Secret Place, white hair spread across the ground, chest heaving. He still wore that black coat, had kept the hood up constantly since returning home. He hadn't taken it down when he'd spoken to the other Islanders, to their childhood friends, to his mother. Even with Sora and Kairi he'd left the hood in place.

Since returning home until this moment, always hidden, always concealed.

Always ashamed.

Sora trailed a hand over his cheek, heart aching. The worst was that he'd refused to call himself Riku. Just a mysterious figure who'd found two wayward souls and brought them home.

"Sora, hey—hey c'mon, please—"

He couldn't listen to him. They'd just end up how they were, Riku hating himself and Sora shouting and crying into his pillow at night. 

So instead he ran his hands down to his collar, lower and lower until his fingers found the zipper. He dragged it up slowly, felt every gasp and hitch of breath under him. Still Sora did not stop, only pausing now and then to revel in all that was revealed. 

Riku's new body was lovely, elegant, covered in well-toned muscle. Sora had experienced the power of it intimately. He'd loathed it far more than he'd liked it then, if only because it had nearly killed him. But here, now, he felt heat pool in his stomach. "Beautiful."

For all his strength Riku was weak. His body trembled but there was no move to fight back, to hide himself. Once upon a time he would have been able to wrestle Sora off him without seriously injuring either of them, but now Sora was stronger and Riku more dangerous. Any attempt at violence would end brutally, and that frightened him.

It didn't frighten Sora.

"Riku," he breathed, brushing his thumb over Riku's nipple. Riku winced, whimpered, turned his face away. There was such shame there Sora couldn't even see the Ansem in his features. "Riku please let me in. You won't let me thank you any other way. You won't let me love you any other way."

"Sora I—you don't need to—this is—" He choked. "Everything was my fault, the Heartless came here—and then I let Ansem in, and Kairi, if she'd never had to hide her heart in you you'd never have needed to use that Keyblade and—"

Sora silenced him with a single finger upon his lips. He didn't want to hear about why Riku thought this body was the punishment he deserved.

When Riku stopped he took his finger away, leaned forward. He used what little weight he had in his body—and what great weight he had over Riku's heart—to keep him still, or rather 'stuck but squirming'. Something about that had Sora's stomach doing flips, delighted. That's what I want. I want him to feel everything, to take me seriously. Listen to me. Stop condemning yourself for what happened, stop sacrificing yourself for me.

Sora pressed his lips to Riku's neck. I love you, and I'd rather sacrifice myself anyway. I gave up my heart to save Kairi. How could you think I wouldn't do the same for you Riku?

This close he could breathe him in, the mingled scents of Ansem and Riku. Darkness, and something more, something wonderful. Beneath him Riku tensed, whimpered, shook his head as Sora sucked his neck, ran a hand through his hair. "Sora..."

"You're my best friend Riku," he murmured. "I was willing to fade into darkness with you—was willing to lift you out of it. I'm going to get through to you no matter what it takes." He pressed another kiss to his neck and sat back. "Give it up."

Riku's hair was disheveled, his cheeks dark. His eyes were darker still, ringed with amber, with fear and lust. His lips were parted, panting. With a roll of his hips Sora could feel the bulge in his pants. He wants this.

"Sora I can't, I'm not—"

"I don't care what you look like. You're my friend Riku, and I love you. Let me show you that." He licked his lips, heat building in his stomach. "Let me show you that you're beautiful no matter what you look like...who you look like."

Riku shuddered. "Sora I'm..."

"You're my best friend, Riku," Sora repeated, stared him down.

There was a moment of silence, even the distant sounds of the sea muted in the cave. Then Riku tilted his head to the side, neck bared, and murmured, "Do what you want."

Sora did.

He couldn't keep his hands or his lips off him. Riku squirmed at the attention, Sora digging his nails in whenever the movement threw him off. His tongue licked over his neck, his chest, hands sliding up and down Riku's sides. He rubbed his cheek against his muscles, turned so he could suck on a nipple. His fingers came up to pinch the other, a harsh tug before a soothing caress.

Riku's cries were small, muffled. He had one fist in his mouth, biting down on the fabric of his coat as Sora ground their hips together. He rolled them, round and round until Riku was completely hard and hot against him, the front of his pants soaked through. He was so big, Sora could feel it, and when he'd had enough of only feeling he shuffled back to strip him down and see it. See him.

Beautiful.

Sora cast away his own clothes, desperate. He wanted it. He needed it.

"Sora I don't—"

"Riku let me, please."

The amber in Riku's eyes caught the light for just a moment, a flash then gone. He turned away.

"Okay."

It was all Sora needed to hear. 

His hands touched Riku everywhere, trailed over his stomach, felt the rise of muscle and the soft creases of his hips. He felt every broken breath and shaky sigh, every hitch. His hands slid up the length of him, velvet skin and wet, then gripped tight. With his other hand he readied himself, then splayed it on Riku's abdomen to support himself while he guided him inside. 

He could feel him, all of him. Sora lowered himself, felt the lovely stretch and heat until his body settled against Riku's once more. "So good," he moaned. "So good Riku." He looked down and saw tears on Riku's cheeks—tears of pleasure he was sure—and smiled. "It's good for you too right?"

"S—Sora I—"

"Can't you feel how warm I am? That's how I feel about you Riku, about what you did for me. That heat? It's how much I care, how much I love you. That's how I feel for you Riku and," he rolled his hips, felt Riku twitch, "I can feel how warm you are too. You're so hot inside me."

"Sora..." Riku groaned, gasped when Sora tightened around him.

"Let me show you Riku, how wonderful you are."

Sora lost himself then. He bounced on Riku's cock, felt every twitch, how Riku throbbed whenever he rolled his hips just right. He'd do anything to hear they way he groaned, how his voice broke whenever Sora rose until only the tip of his cock was inside him, then slammed back down mercilessly. Sora was burning inside, melting, but he didn't want to stop, didn't want to recover. He needed Riku, needed to feel him, needed to fuck him. His body was so good, too good. 

He tightened, squeezed him—a reminder that Riku was safe with him. A reminder that even in this shape Sora loved him, loved him so much.

The heat built. Sora quickened his pace, riding, whimpering every time he pounded himself down on Riku's cock. When Riku started to thrust—just a little, just enough—Sora went wild. He was so big, so wonderfully big, that even his clumsiest thrusts hit just right inside.

"Riku," Sora moaned, collapsing forward even as he kept lifting his hips. "I'm gonna—I'm gonna—"

Riku couldn't even say that much. Still when Sora wrapped his arms around him he returned the embrace. Sora shuddered to feel those massive arms finally holding him, sheltering him as the knot in his stomach released and he came, crying.

Everything was starry for a second then, Sora slowly coming back down from his high. It was Riku's whisper that brought him back fully.

"Sora?..."

He smiled, leaned forward and kissed him. "Did you like it? Do you get what I was trying to show you?"

A pause. "I..."

"Riku?"

"Yeah I just..."

Sora caressed his face, wiped the hair back from his sweaty forehead. Wasn't this enough?

Well then, Sora would just have to keep going.

 

---

 

When sunset came around they were spent. Sora had touched every inch of Riku, mapped his new shape until he knew it as well as the back of his hand. He'd felt Riku inside him and felt the inside of Riku, embraced him with his heat and been embraced in turn. He'd taken him on his back so he could hold him close, then taken him on his knees while Riku writhed. Riku'd cried so much, hands tangled in his hair, body quaking.

To an outsider it might have looked like pain, but he'd never taken back his, "Okay." Besides, Sora had felt the way Riku rolled his hips, cried out in pleasure, begged for more.

By the end of it, Sora had felt him and been felt in every way one could be, had taken until he was sure he'd taken the last of Riku's doubts too. They'd kept going until Riku'd been barely conscious after all, exhausted and covered in cum.

It matched his hair. Lovely.

Later he'd asked Riku how he felt. He didn't seem able to say much now. That was okay. He was still warm, body burning. He'd nuzzled his face into the crook of Sora's neck—Sora had decided to curl around him despite their difference in size. I want to protect him for once.

"You know Riku," he said, "I won't let anyone hurt you. Not Ansem, not Xemnas, no one." He leaned back so he could look into his eyes, stare into amber and see where aqua once was. "I won't let anyone hurt you, okay? Not even yourself. Not even you."

There was quiet. Through the haze in Riku's eyes he could see meaning coalescing, his words bringing light back into them. Then Sora smiled and Riku did the same, and with a shaky breath said the only word Sora needed to hear.

"Okay."