Fascination

It's embarrassing.

Cloud hadn't intended for it to happen. In fact, he would have much preferred it hadn't happened at all, yet this had come to that and that had come to this and somehow he'd ended up dressed to the nines. Maybe if it had been a men's nines he could have dealt with it. Men's nines were bland and stuffy, but bearable.

But no, it had been a pretty dress, hair and make up. A women's nines undeniably. 

Yet somehow he'd been able to look in the mirror and see a man—one who was ridiculously beautiful.

Like he said, embarrassing.

It might have been okay if he hadn't had to wear the outfit home. This was the last time he was so generous with his clothes while he was cross-dressing—not that he planned to make a habit of it. But what was he supposed to do, just ignore the fact Tifa's uniform had been soaked right through by some oaf of a customer?

No, he'd said she could borrow his. He'd thought she'd duck out when she was done to pick up some new clothes maybe, return his before his shift ended but no. She'd gone straight home and left him at work woefully frilly.

Maybe I should talk more, he thought, get my point across so I don't end up serving drinks in skirts and ladies' underwear while my actual clothes are halfway across town.

And well, that was that. All the necessary backstory to explain how he ended up embarrassed with a lap full of his little brother and Sora, Leon staring at him from across the living room. Not their home's living room, but their cabin's. It was one of their getaway weekends after all.

But back to the present—

Riku and Sora are curious. They know about make up and dresses, but they don't really understand the concept of a boy dressing up to look all pretty. They're still too young. Leon knows though. He knows what tights and garters and panties are too, and what the thin straps that sometimes peek out near his neckline belong to. Worst, he knows exactly what the flush on his cheeks means, and that it isn't solely embarrassment.

"It's weird," Riku says.

"I think he's pretty," Sora says. "Is that bad?"

"No, I just..." Riku is shy, and Cloud snorts. He's just like him in that way, unwilling to admit his curiosity about women's things while still yearning to try. It's too vulnerable, too frightening, especially for boys

Especially for outcasts.

There's back and forth between the boys, still perched on Cloud's lap. He can feel Leon's eyes on them, probably taking in the bags under his eyes. Leon never pushes too hard, but Cloud knows he'll comment on it later. He doesn't lecture more than he has to, but he doesn't let things slide either. Still, he understands that there's nothing Cloud can do about it. A high school drop out working full time and raising his baby brother doesn't exactly get a lot of free time.

He's managing. That's the best he can do.

Cloud's skin prickles and he looks up, catches Leon's eyes. There's something else in the way he looks at him, and he wonders if Leon's noticed how he's more flushed, skin sensitive against the satin of the dress. He wonders if he's noticed the way Cloud rubs his legs together just to feel the smooth fabric of his stockings, how he tilts his head so his lip gloss catches the light.

How his tongue flicks out to feel it before darting back inside.

"Why don't you all try it," Cloud says, "since you're so fascinated with me."

Their little hideaway isn't exactly supplied with the right things for it, but Leon's willing to go scrounge something together. Cloud lounges, watches Sora and his horrible little brother—whose taste in music is unfortunately better than Sora's—bicker over which cassette to listen to on the dinky old player while Leon heads out of the woods and back into town. When he returns he's bought cheap lip gloss and hair brushes, girls' clothes from the shops on the side of town he doesn't visit, and a collection of his mom's old things.

"Lucky she was a big woman," Cloud comments. Leon glowers, but it doesn't last once he's dragged down for a hug. While he holds him Cloud whispers, "I'm sorry she's gone."

Leon's arms tighten.

They break apart to the sound of Riku and Sora poking and pestering each other, wrestling until Leon hefts them up and dumps them in the bathtub. Cloud doesn't have to wash them since he's already done up, can't afford to get his dress dirty. He watches the whole affair though, as Leon scrubs them both before, after a sideways glance, turning on the shower to wash himself.

As always Sora and Riku have a vigorous discussion about his body, which has Leon both a little more shy and a little more stiff when he finally steps out. Cloud hands him a towel and Leon, once dry, reaches out to kiss him again.

"You'll ruin the gloss," Cloud complains.

"Better not then," Leon sighs, then bends down to give Sora the kiss he's begging for. Sora's always more open about his desires than Riku, happily tugging on Leon's towel until he gets his kisses. Riku fidgets beside them, head bowed, but when Leon's finished kissing his brother breathless, he reaches out and does the same for him. Then Sora leaps onto Riku, giving him one too.

"But not Cloud," he parrots, "cause you'll ruin the gloss."

Leon turns the cassette player back on when they return to the living room. His choice of music is better than both the boys—pleasant for the kids while not grating for the adults. It's good background noise, soothing as they set to work.

Sora and Riku are squirmy at first but a gentle brush is enough to lull anyone. They doze as Cloud and Leon do their hair, Cloud wishing privately his own experience had been so sweet. Still Riku's happy, and though Cloud struggles to admit it aloud his brother's happiness is one of the only things he actually wants in life.

The moment the brushing is done Riku and Sora start kissing. It's normal, especially when they're relaxed. It's what they do when they're comfortable, or want to be. It's what all four of us do really. 

Comfort. That was what started it all in the first place, this strange arrangement between the four of them.

Cloud's heart flutters when Leon does his hair, takes the time to tidy his already elaborate braids while their brothers kiss on the floor. The feeling of his fingers against his neck has Cloud shivering. When he's done he takes a moment to squeeze his chest through his dress, and Cloud feels the lips on his nape quirk up into a smirk. He can feel Cloud's bra.

Jackass, he thinks, but puffs his chest out anyway.

They do Leon's hair together, Cloud guiding the boys, showing them how to be delicate. They're not too bad, just old enough not to fumble too much. They're even surprisingly conscientious, though maybe that's just because Sora is a sweet kid and Riku has his massive puppy crush on Leon. His bratty desire to be a nuisance to Cloud is absent for now.

When he's done he sets the brush down and leans in to get a feel of Leon's chest. No longer distracting each other with kisses Sora and Riku join in. They take turns squeezing him, giggling and trying to suck him through his shirt. Cloud abandons him there—overwhelmed by their brothers—while he sets up their make up.

It's delicate work. Leon touches up Cloud, smoothing gloss over his lips and fixing his liner, adding a little powder here and there. Riku and Sora sit fidgeting, trying to be patient and not muss up their hair. Sora's is in pigtails, Riku's in braids like Cloud's. Leon's is left to hang loose and lovely, only styled.

Leon's turn is next. The boys stare up at him as Cloud applies everything; primers and foundation, powders and blush, eyeliner and shadow and a shiny layer of lip gloss. He's lovely in the end, so pretty Cloud can't resist leaning in to steal a kiss. Leon's breath comes a little quicker after that, or maybe it's because the boys are cooing. They're both enchanted by Leon's look; a little stronger than Cloud's, but still subtle.

Then it's the boys' turn. Cloud and Leon work together, although there isn't that much work to do. They put on a little less—they're too rowdy and Cloud is sure they'll smudge it, although all things considered it seems they'll all be engaged in make up smudging activities once their new outfits are on. Cloud, at least, can feel the heat growing, rubbing his legs together for a little relief.

Still, they make sure the boys get pretty lashes and blush and shiny gloss in candy flavors. Sora keeps licking his off his lips, ignoring Leon's tutting, but Riku's eyes have gone hazy. The more done up he is, the more dazed he becomes.

It really is a family thing, Cloud wonders, and draws Riku in for a hug when he's done.

Finally, clothes. Leon got simple clothes for the boys, all he could find really. Girls' panties and plain socks with lace and dresses in pastel colors. Riku gets a black headband and Sora gets hair clips. Sora spins about so his skirt flares while Riku blushes even brighter.

It's still not as bright as Leon's cheeks when he dresses though, everyone enjoying the show as he slips into his much lacier underwear, attaching his garters to the garter belt and stockings. He snaps on his bra, a lovely black affair, and then his own dress. It's similar to Cloud's but a little better suited to his shape and color. Cloud can't bring himself to say he looks wonderful, even though he does, so he leans back a little and spreads his legs instead, inviting.

Turns out the boys aren't the only ones who're desperate.

Leon's on him in seconds and it's so different like this. He can tell by the way he's moving even Leon's struggling to keep his head, and maybe dresses don't do much to the average person, but for Cloud all he wants to do when he puts one on is get fucked. Sure, he'd love to lounge too, feel the soft fabrics against his skin and idle about looking pretty, but he's always been more of a man of action and dressed as he is? All he wants is to feel Leon against him.

But not just Leon.

Riku and Sora clamber onto them, precious and needy. They're squirming from more than just embarrassment and Cloud grabs one—Riku—and draws him in close. Leon takes Sora and then they've both got a boy in their lap, begging for kisses. 

Riku grinds against his leg, whining already as Cloud presses their lips together. It's slick and smooth and warm, gloss slippery and irresistible—or maybe that's just Riku. Maybe it's the gloss though, or the pleasure, or their bond, because Riku can't seem to resist either, tiny hands clenching in his skirts.

"I want...I need..." Riku tries.

Cloud knows. He gives it to him.

He's not surprised to feel Leon against him, feel Sora climbing all over them. When they're taking their time it's all turns and careful consideration, sometimes even a show for those sitting out. Now it's chaos, satiny and sweet and so, so desperate, and Cloud's sure these panties will have a permanent stain from how wet he is.

There are hands flipping up skirts, slipping under waistbands, hair falling into disarray. That's their entire relationship in a nutshell: disarray. The four of them clinging to each other in this strange, cruel world, a broken mess of disorganized parts finding their greatest joy and pleasure in this den of theirs.

In this home of theirs.

Cloud kisses them all and doesn't care if they're broken or wrong. All he cares about is how lovely he feels, how beautiful, how much he relishes the chance to take and be taken care of in a way that's fun, where the stakes aren't so high as trying to raise his brother all alone. He's here with his best friend, his little brother, and his little brother's best friend. They're his world and he's drowning in them, grinding and petting and pushing against them. They're doting on him and he's doting on them, and maybe in some other world that would be wrong, but here he'll happily perish with them in their pile of shimmering satin.

Anything, if it means they can hold each other.

When they're finished Cloud can't say where his underwear's gone, or his stockings for that matter. He has Sora, panting, drowsing on his chest, Leon at his side and Riku in his lap. They're all sticky with more than gloss and sweat, but none of them care for the moment.

"You're pretty," Leon murmurs, snuggling closer.

"So are you, dork," Cloud replies.

"Am I pretty?" Riku wonders.

"Of course, dork," Sora parrots. Cloud laughs and Leon complains about language.

They rise and tidy up eventually, forgoing underwear and stockings. They take down their more complicated hairdos and wash their faces, then settle in their dresses for another round of soothing hair brushing. The dinky old cassette player plays as they work, and keeps on singing its merry tune as they drag their blankets onto the floor and curl up on the carpet for a nap.

They are happy and together, at rest in their soft, sweet home.